||[Oct. 15th, 2010|09:44 pm]
|||||Lost Odyssey OST - The Wanderer of Darkness||]|
I rarely ever post things publicly here, so it should go without saying that I have a reason for doing it this time.
I've made the tough decision to kick a certain person off of my LJ friends list, and I think they deserve an explanation. I'll try to keep this brief, both in the interest of clarity and in the interest of keeping private matters private. I'll probably keep this public for a few weeks before making it friends-only (per my LJ's standard).
So, for the person who I've just kicked off:
I've done this once or twice before with people who I felt distinctly uncomfortable around (and many years ago, during my more reclusive days, I practically kicked off half my friends list all at once), but it definitely saddens me that it feels necessary to do this to you in particular. But you've clearly been ignoring (if not outright avoiding) me for the past 7+ months, despite my repeated attempts to get in contact with you to understand and to make amends. Between that and how you've generally reacted to me for the few prior months, it's given me the impression that you want me out of your life entirely (even you've never come forth with it outright)... and if you're not comfortable having me in your life at all, then I don't see how I can possibly be comfortable having you in mine so much. I may not post here much anymore, but I've almost always viewed my LJ as a sanctuary of sorts, where I can just be comfortable among friends talking about whatever's on my mind, and if you've given me reason to be uncomfortable around you, then this is necessary to me, despite how chilly it makes my heart feel. :/
Please don't take this as an indication that I don't want to be friends with you again -- far from it. If I've misread you, or if you change your mind some day, feel free to get in touch with me via whatever method you like and talk to me. I very much wish that could happen again.
Finally, please don't take this to mean that I "abandoned" you -- I'm just trying to move on at this point... and, as I said, I'm absolutely willing to be friends again someday if you ever are.
(I should note that, earlier today, I accidentally came across your profile on another site while looking at someone else's and going through what they posted since they stopped posting on LJ. I'm very, very sorry -- it was never my intention to track you down there, and I didn't read anything you wrote except for recent comments in what that other person posted (and your profile, because I wondered if it was you). I didn't mean to intrude where I was unwelcome, I never did. I don't know if I'll keep reading that other person's postings, let alone comment on them, for your comfort. Again, sorry.)
To everyone else:
I've disabled comments on this post for two reasons: First, to avoid dragging this out in public more than I must; and second, because I don't feel like dealing with a barrage of questions from people who are curious but don't really have any understanding of what's going on. If I've confided in you about this in the past, though, feel free to get in touch with me privately (IM/message board PM/e-mail) if you want to talk to me about this at all.